So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
