rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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