In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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