great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
