You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
