And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
