I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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