My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
