I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
