Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
