hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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