What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
