What a fucking waste of an outfit
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
