I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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