I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
