My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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