Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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