I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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