we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im holly from the hills drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
