if i can run in heels then i can drive
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
