Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
