6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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