hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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