The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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