Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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