Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
