I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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