burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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