Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
