so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
