You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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