I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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