I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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