3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
