In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
