I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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