just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
