You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
