I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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