Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
