I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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