Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
