Pappa wants mamma naked
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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