Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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