yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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