Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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