the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His nipple licking is glorious
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