You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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