the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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