i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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