Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
