I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
