I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
