you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
