pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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