So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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